My sister Courtney with her precious children, Chase and Baby Margaret (she is named after our own precious mother)
I want to thank all of you for the sweet comments and emails. They give me strength and there have been times I was feeling badly and re-read them for the comfort they offered. Thank you.
This has been such a strange time. I know my feelings are too jumbled for me to explain them well but I will try.
This has been the absolute worst time of my life. Before my sister died I had never known this kind of grief or this kind of pain. I realize now that I was living a very charmed life. It never occurred to me that people I know or strangers I see in town may have this grief that they carry with them...every single day. I was oblivious to the very real daily suffering of others. As I have thought about this I recognize that my sisters death will offer spiritual gifts to me that I might not otherwise have had. As my family and I grieve I am trying to recognize those gifts and note them. The first two that I have recognized are the gifts of compassion and perspective.
Before my sisters death I thought I would have considered myself compassionate but that gift has certainly been increased ten fold. While I might have felt bad for others who were suffering or tried to offer some temporal service...I have never really understood. Now I do and I know when the days get easier for me I will be better equipt to serve and love others through their losses.
I know I will be able to do this because of the great love and service that has been shown to me and my family during this horrible time. I have learned from the endless examples of those who have served us.
We have had an endless stream of dinners, cookies, groceries, and gifts brought to our home. The sweet sisters in our ward brought dinner to the house for the first week and after that I did not think it was necessary for any other meals to be brought...but they still came.
The day that we left for Pima (the town were my family is from and most of our family is buried there is about 3 hours away) my friends knew we were leaving earlier than we had planned. They brought over coolers filled with deli meats, rolls, bread, condiments, salads, drinks, desserts, and even plates and utensils. Because we left earlier than we had expected our family in Pima had not shopped for so much family and the coolers of food were appreciated.
There was one night that my mother and I were working on some legal documents and I simply forgot that it was dinner time and had not even thought of anything to feed the children. I told my mom I would be back to help her after I figured out something to feed my kids. Literally as I was walking down the stairs there was a knock at the door. Another sweet friend stopped by unexpectedly with soup, homemade bread, and cookies. How could I not recognize The Lord's hand in this act of service that came at the exact moment it was needed? He is taking such loving care of us. I feel like we are extra special to Him because of the way He has taken care of us.
Yesterday I went to the church bookstore. I was looking for books for my mother. Something that might offer her comfort during this time. When I told the lady helping me what I needed I started to cry. I had my youngest son Matthew with me and my sisters daughter Baby Margaret. I just started crying thinking the my sweet niece would not have any memories of her mother. It was awful. The lady who was helping me shared with me that her own mother had died when she was born and she had never known her in this life. She shared several stories of spiritual experiences she has had through her life. She shared with me that she has always known when her mother is near her and has felt her influence in her life. This kind strangers willingness to share something so personal with me brought me great comfort. I know that my Father in Heaven is putting people in my path who are on His errand to offer me comfort and peace. I am so blessed.
I will write more as I find the strength. I do not want to write too much on a public blog about our legal situation but I will share My parents are seeking custody of my niece Baby Margaret. Because this is a pending legal matter I will not share all the reasons why but suffice it to say that she should not live with my sisters ex husband...and he is trying to have her returned to him.
We have had two court hearings so far that have included our own attorney as well as a court appointed Best Interest Attorney for Baby Margaret. My parents were granted joint custody of Margie with them being her primary caregivers and the father receiving supervised visitation.
Both hearings have gone well for us but we have a long road ahead. The next hearing will be April 3rd at which time the judge will rule on my niece's case. I am asking for all of you to pray that Baby Margaret stays with us. We will be fasting several times and I will post the fast dates if you are interested in joining our family in fasting. I beg for each of you to pray for us. Pray for my sisters children, that Baby Margaret will be able to stay with us, that all the attorneys, therapists, and the judge will be able to have an increased ability to truly understand the critical nature of this situation and that they will be able to make wise decisions.
This has been such a strange time. I know my feelings are too jumbled for me to explain them well but I will try.
This has been the absolute worst time of my life. Before my sister died I had never known this kind of grief or this kind of pain. I realize now that I was living a very charmed life. It never occurred to me that people I know or strangers I see in town may have this grief that they carry with them...every single day. I was oblivious to the very real daily suffering of others. As I have thought about this I recognize that my sisters death will offer spiritual gifts to me that I might not otherwise have had. As my family and I grieve I am trying to recognize those gifts and note them. The first two that I have recognized are the gifts of compassion and perspective.
Before my sisters death I thought I would have considered myself compassionate but that gift has certainly been increased ten fold. While I might have felt bad for others who were suffering or tried to offer some temporal service...I have never really understood. Now I do and I know when the days get easier for me I will be better equipt to serve and love others through their losses.
I know I will be able to do this because of the great love and service that has been shown to me and my family during this horrible time. I have learned from the endless examples of those who have served us.
We have had an endless stream of dinners, cookies, groceries, and gifts brought to our home. The sweet sisters in our ward brought dinner to the house for the first week and after that I did not think it was necessary for any other meals to be brought...but they still came.
The day that we left for Pima (the town were my family is from and most of our family is buried there is about 3 hours away) my friends knew we were leaving earlier than we had planned. They brought over coolers filled with deli meats, rolls, bread, condiments, salads, drinks, desserts, and even plates and utensils. Because we left earlier than we had expected our family in Pima had not shopped for so much family and the coolers of food were appreciated.
There was one night that my mother and I were working on some legal documents and I simply forgot that it was dinner time and had not even thought of anything to feed the children. I told my mom I would be back to help her after I figured out something to feed my kids. Literally as I was walking down the stairs there was a knock at the door. Another sweet friend stopped by unexpectedly with soup, homemade bread, and cookies. How could I not recognize The Lord's hand in this act of service that came at the exact moment it was needed? He is taking such loving care of us. I feel like we are extra special to Him because of the way He has taken care of us.
Yesterday I went to the church bookstore. I was looking for books for my mother. Something that might offer her comfort during this time. When I told the lady helping me what I needed I started to cry. I had my youngest son Matthew with me and my sisters daughter Baby Margaret. I just started crying thinking the my sweet niece would not have any memories of her mother. It was awful. The lady who was helping me shared with me that her own mother had died when she was born and she had never known her in this life. She shared several stories of spiritual experiences she has had through her life. She shared with me that she has always known when her mother is near her and has felt her influence in her life. This kind strangers willingness to share something so personal with me brought me great comfort. I know that my Father in Heaven is putting people in my path who are on His errand to offer me comfort and peace. I am so blessed.
I will write more as I find the strength. I do not want to write too much on a public blog about our legal situation but I will share My parents are seeking custody of my niece Baby Margaret. Because this is a pending legal matter I will not share all the reasons why but suffice it to say that she should not live with my sisters ex husband...and he is trying to have her returned to him.
We have had two court hearings so far that have included our own attorney as well as a court appointed Best Interest Attorney for Baby Margaret. My parents were granted joint custody of Margie with them being her primary caregivers and the father receiving supervised visitation.
Both hearings have gone well for us but we have a long road ahead. The next hearing will be April 3rd at which time the judge will rule on my niece's case. I am asking for all of you to pray that Baby Margaret stays with us. We will be fasting several times and I will post the fast dates if you are interested in joining our family in fasting. I beg for each of you to pray for us. Pray for my sisters children, that Baby Margaret will be able to stay with us, that all the attorneys, therapists, and the judge will be able to have an increased ability to truly understand the critical nature of this situation and that they will be able to make wise decisions.
Please also continue to pray for Chase. Chase is in Florida and dividing his time between his father (different from Baby Margaret's) and my parents. They only live a few miles away from each other. Chase's dad loves him very much and we know he is trying his best to take great care of Chase.
I am so thankful to everyone who has helped and is continuing to help us through service and prayer. I am both awed and humbled by the great amount of love that has been shown to us.
